Do You Feel?
by CoffeeshopSoundtrack
Summary: SK SPOILERS! Rose is gone and Lissa is slipping back into depression. At a point in time that should be her happiest, she can't feel anything. That is until she meets a new Spirit user who takes her sadness away and makes her feel again.
1. Chapter 1: Do You Feel?

**Hey, this is CoffeeshopSoundtrack, submitting my first story! Yay! It also happens to be my first VA fanfiction, so bear with me. This takes place post-SK, so I wouldn't read this until you finish the book!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Vampire Academy, I'm just a fan with big ideas! Also, the title and the lyrics belong to The Rocket Summer, from the song "Do You Feel?"**

DO YOU FEEL?

CHAPTER ONE.

"Do you feel / The weight of the world singing sorrow / Or to you is it just not real  
Cause you got your own things / Yeah we all have our things I guess"

Lissa rubbed her hands on her cold arms, creating friction in order to warm herself up. It didn't help. Even if her arms were slowly warming, her insides were cold – freezing, even. How could Rose just up and leave her right now? Now when she needed her the most? Lissa let her tears fall down without abandon. Her mind was swirling with thoughts, memories, her dashed hopes for the future. Her fist curled around the beads Rose had given back to her. She felt the cross digging into her skin and only squeezed it tighter until... She released the bracelet a little and stopped to examine her hand. The edge of the cross had broken through her skin, drawing blood. She sighed and switched the bracelet into the other hand, not wanting to stain it with her blood.

Finally, the gravity of the situation hit her. It felt like a wave of sadness that knocked her over. She almost fell down where she was in the middle of campus and cried. But, she knew she couldn't. She curled her hand around the bracelet carefully and ran towards the chapel. It was too early for anyone to be there, and she could sneak into the attic without trouble.

She slipped in silently and climbed up to the attic without being noticed. The tears wouldn't stop coming. She flung herself into the small room and crawled away from the sunlight. Finally settled, she started to calm down a bit. Her blurry vision cleared and she took in her surroundings. She hadn't been here in a while and... everything was gone. The change was a shock to Lissa and sparked her tears again. She curled herself into a small ball and cried. Sobbed. The sobs rocked her entire body and she felt like she was having a seizure.

Lissa sat there in her ball of self-pity for what seemed like, and probably was, hours. Finally, the tears stopped coming but the hole in her heart kept getting bigger. She felt exhausted all of a sudden and somehow fell asleep on the cold, hard floor of the attic.

Her dream formed into a beach of sorts. She looked around wildly, knowing what was coming next. "Adrian, I know you're here," she said in a soft voice. Called out, he walked towards her. "What do you want?" she asked impatiently.

"Where are you, Lissa?" he asked.

She rolled her eyes. "I'm fine. I'm with Rose," she lied.

"You're a horrible liar. I know Rose is gone," he told her. She turned around and started walking away from him. "Where do you think you're going?" he called, not moving.

"Far away from you," she called back. He was by her side in a few seconds. She stopped and ran a hand through her hair. "Get the hell out of my dream. Right now," she said.

"Or what?" he asked.

Lissa took a deep breath and willed herself to wake up. The dream faded into black and she opened her eyes to find herself in the attic – alone. She threw the bracelet hard against the wall across from her. It bounced off and came skidding to stop just at her feet again. Resigning to the fact that she couldn't get rid of it, she picked it up again. Looking lustfully at the sharp edge of the cross, she fought the urge. She couldn't... She wouldn't...

But she did.

Five minutes later she was crying again, from the pain of scraping the cross on her skin over and over again. Finally, she drew blood again on her wrist. Seeing the blood frightened her. She paled and held her wrist tightly to stop the bleeding.

She jumped as the door to the attic opened again and scooted away from the opening. Christian climbed up into the attic and looked at her sadly. "Hey," he said simply.

Lissa turned her body away from him. "Please go away," she gasped. He ignored her request and came closer to her. She crawled away from him and into the corner, her back still facing him. "Go away, Christian!" she yelled.

He paused. "Are you okay?"

"NO! GO AWAY!" she cried, bursting into tears again. Her tears hit her open wound and the salt caused it to burn. She gasped in pain and cried harder.

Christian came closer to her and started, "Lissa—"

She held up her wrist to him, the blood dripping down her pale arm slowly. "Please... just go away..." she sobbed. She tried to pull her wrist back into her, but Christian grabbed hold of it. He ripped off part of his shirt and wrapped it tenderly around the cut. Finally, Lissa turned to face him. He embraced her and she cried into his shirt. "Rose is gone," she sobbed. "She's just gone."

A FEW MONTHS LATER

Lissa straightened the cap on her head. She sighed to herself and looked around her once more. Christian squeezed her hand, in silent reassurance. "She promised me she'd be back," she kept telling him.

"Maybe..." he started, but she glared at him, already knowing what he was going to say.

_Rose. Rose Hathaway. I can't read your mind. But I know you can still hear me. Please. I need you. It's graduation, Rose. I don't even care if you aren't really here. But... well, never mind. Bye._ Lissa's eyes stung with tears. She bit her tongue and tried to make the tears stop before somebody noticed. Christian squeezed her hand once more before he left to go get in his proper spot in line. The rest of her class prepared in a similar way, getting into line and straightening their gowns. With one last desperate look, Lissa resigned herself to the fact that she wasn't coming.

And she couldn't care anymore.

The first few rows of her classmates proceeded into the auditorium slowly, to the pace of the graduation music. She finally walked, feet in time with the Moroi beside her. She couldn't be bothered by looking around. Her eyes focused straight ahead. She didn't feel anymore. Part of her, more like most of her, had left with Rose. Hell, for all Lissa knew, Rose was dead by now.

She wasn't even sad anymore.

The graduation ceremony flew by without much notice by Lissa. The only sign of emotion came when she faked a smile to Kirova as she was handed her diploma. When the rest of her classmates let out a cheer and threw up their hats, she simply removed hers and looked down sadly. Her eyes found Adrian's, who was looking at her carefully. He broke their gaze and left the room, going outside. Christian came up behind her and she faked excitement for him. She didn't want to hurt him by keeping him down during this happy time.

He kissed her lightly. "Hey, so I have a question for you," he said as the two started walking outside.

"Where are we going?" she asked him.

"Just outside. Don't want too many people around when I ask it," he told her, slipping his hand into hers. She nodded and the two walked in silence until they were out in the courtyard. Lissa could see the nervousness in him as he let go of her hand. "Okay, don't freak out," he said. Taking a deep breath, he fished through his pockets. Finding what he wanted, he pulled something from it and got down on one knee. "Lissa?" She knew what was coming. Her eyes widened in surprise and anticipation. He unfolded his hand and produced a beautiful, silver ring. "Will you marry me?"

Lissa felt a wave of emotion come over her. Happiness, shock, excitement, surprise, scared, nervous... sad. Sad that Rose wasn't here to see this moment. Sad that she couldn't show her true emotions. Sad that she was letting Rose and Christian down. All this emotion overwhelmed her. Her world starting spinning. She heard Christian say her name a few times vaguely, but soon her vision blurred and her head hit the ground.

When her eyes opened, three people crowded over her in concern. Christian, of course, Dr. Olendzki, and Adrian. They all let out a collective sigh as she opened her eyes. She sat up suddenly. "YES!" she cried out. She threw her arms around Christian. He let out a chuckle and held her tightly. "Sorry I fainted on you," she apologized. She kissed his cheek and let him go. This sudden burst of emotion seemed to come from nowhere.

"Lissa," Adrian said. "There's someone I want you to meet." He stepped aside and revealed a small Moroi girl. She looked to be a little younger than Lissa. "This is Sveta, she uses Spirit too." Lissa extended a warm smile to the girl. She looked down sadly. Frowning a little, Lissa felt a little bit of happiness shoot through her. Adrian looked down at the girl and said, "She can control emotions." The girl lifted up her head and smiled sadly up at Lissa. She gasped a little unintentionally. Through the months, Lissa had been able to learn to read auras with great effort. And the dark, pitch black shadow that surround the girl scared Lissa half to death.

**Thanks for reading! Please review! -- AB**


	2. Chapter 2: Saddest Girl In The World

**Haha, two chapters in one day? Hell yeah, that's how I roll. Um, actually it's mostly because I don't know when the next chapter will be up. Finals are next week and I'll spend next weekend studying for them. But, afterwards, expect regular updates! So yeah, I don't own Vampire Academy, etc. etc. You know that.**

DO YOU FEEL?

CHAPTER TWO.

Adrian and Lissa talked in hushed tones in the hospital room while Christian and Sveta waited outside. She couldn't tear her eyes away from the sad girl. Her aura was much too sad for a girl her age, and it worried her. "You said that she can control emotions. How so?" she asked.

"She takes feelings away from people and draws them into herself. She can take all the negatives away, like she did with you, or she can take all the positives away." He looked over at her and stated quietly, "Or she can take them all away."

"And then she feels it?" Lissa asked carefully.

Adrian nodded. "I've only seen this happen with you and..." He stopped, knowing Lissa got his point. He looked back over at the girl. "She's thirteen. I pulled some strings and got her a tutor at Court, so she can study with us. Speaking of court," he said, changing the topic, "are you all packed?"

Lissa nodded, still not looking away from the sad girl. Christian was trying to amuse her by setting things on fire. It wasn't working. Dr. Olendzki came back in and gave Lissa the thumbs up to leave. She and Adrian left the room and parted ways, him and Sveta going off to the guests' rooms and Lissa and Christian heading towards their own dorms.

As Lissa slipped her hand in his, she felt a small piece of metal in her hand. He curled her hand around it, smiling a little. She smiled back at him. She had almost forgotten. "You want to do it?" she asked, holding the ring back to him. He took it and slipped it onto her finger. They laced their hands back together and walked in silence.

"You seem to be doing better," he noted. "Haven't seen you this happy in a while."

She nodded absently. Somewhere, she knew that this wasn't her happiness. Sveta's sad face came to the forefront of her mind. "So, you ready to go?" she asked.

He nodded. "Yeah, just need to run in and get my stuff. I'll meet you out here in a few minutes?" She nodded and the two went into their separate dorms. Lissa barely looked around when she got up to her room. Well, her former room. She'd never be here again. She didn't want to think about all the memories she had here. Almost all involved Rose. And Rose was gone.

Lissa felt the sadness set upon her once more. The ring on her finger felt heavy with importance, as it held her future. A future without Rose. A strange, foreign future that Lissa didn't think she could handle. She slammed her suitcase shut with unnecessary force. The tears came again, but she didn't have time to have another breakdown. A knock came at her door. She walked over to it and opened it slightly. She caught sight of Kirova and opened it wider, revealing Eddie who smiled at her.

"I was hoping to catch you before you left," Kirova said, walking into the room. Eddie hesitated, but Lissa waved him in. "Since Rose unexpectedly dropped out, we had to do some shifting with the guardian assignments. We finally decided that Eddie was the best choice. He'll be your permanent guardian. You'll have another one once you get to Court, but he'll only be there until Rose becomes a guardian. Then, as planned, you two will be together."

Lissa looked down at her feet. "Assuming she's still alive."

Kirova nodded and cleared her throat. "We're just hoping for the best." She nodded and left Lissa and Eddie alone. "Good luck, Princess," she said before leaving.

She looked up at Eddie. "Well, at least I'll know you'll do a good job," she said quietly. She went back to her bags.

"Lissa, I'm not going to try and take R—" he started, but she interrupted him.

"Don't talk about it. Don't say her name," she said, through gritted teeth. She yanked the zipper on her suitcase shut with anger. She walked over to her purse and searched through it. Pulling out the bracelet she had given to Rose what seemed like ages ago, she walked over to Eddie and dropped it in his hand.

He looked down at it, understanding the gravity of what he had just been given. "Thanks Lissa," he said, pulling the bracelet on. "I won't let you down."

"I never thought you would." She sniffed. The pang of not having Rose resonated in her heart. "Eddie," she choked out, tears finally falling from her face again. He was at her side quickly, wrapping a protective arm around her. She showed him her hand. "I'm engaged to Christian." He looked at her, a little confused at why she should be sad. "But... Rose isn't h-here." She swallowed. "She's not coming back, I can just feel it." She fell into his arms and he awkwardly hugged her.

"Rose will be fine," he reassured her.

Lissa nodded, pulling out of his arms. "I know. But... She's never coming back to me."

"I don't believe that," he argued with her.

She shook her head. "I know her. She's gone. She's never going to bounce back from Dimitri's death. I..." She fell back onto her bed, sitting down. "I should have saved him. I could have saved him! I didn't want to. I told her that I couldn't pick and choose and..." She shook her head, covering her face with her hands. "She could be here... Right now... And it's all my fault that she isn't."

Eddie looked down at her, saddened. "You can't blame yourself." She looked up at him. "It's not your fault. Not all the magic in the world could have saved Dimitri. You have... no idea how long I blamed myself for Mason's death." A shadow passed over his face, making Eddie seem vulnerable for just a second. "But, the truth is, you can't do anything about death. It happens. All you can do is move on." He straightened up. "Now, come on. We have a plane to catch." He beamed at her, which she struggled to return. He extended a hand to her to help her off the bed. She grabbed her purse while he grabbed the suitcases. The two walked out and met Christian and his new guardian, Lukas.

Eddie clapped Christian on the back as they approached. "Congrats, man!"

Christian blushed a little and muttered his thanks. The two guardians met and formed a plan, the standard far and near guard. Then, they started walking towards the Academy's runway. Adrian and Sveta had already arrived and they were ushered onto the plane quickly. "Christian," Lissa started, "I'm going to sit with Sveta. You and Adrian won't kill each other, right?" Christian mumbled a sarcastic reply but went and sat with Adrian nonetheless.

Lissa approached the girl and didn't even have to try to see her aura. It was much different now, radiating happiness. "Are you going to sit with me?" she asked excitedly.

She smiled sweetly at her. "Sure, if you'll have me."

"Of course!" she piqued. Her voice was high-placed and sweet-sounding with a hint of a British accent. Lissa strapped herself in the seat next to her. "I'm sorry I was so rude earlier. When there's lots of sadness in the people around me, I tend to get a bit moody." She studied Lissa like she was a book in a library. "You're sad. Why are you sad? Do you want me to make you feel better?" The girl blinked up at Lissa, waiting for permission.

"I'm fine, really," she assured her. She wasn't really interested in being cheered up unless it was coming from Rose. "So how do you know Adrian?" she asked politely.

Sveta shrugged. "I'm an Ivashkov. I think he's my third cousin or something crazy like that." She smiled and shrugged again. "He was visiting my family and they mentioned how they didn't think I was going to specialize, just like him. And he insisted on meeting me, so he came to school and told me about Spirit and how I wasn't crazy or anything. That was like two months or so ago. He came back for me a few days ago and we came here and now we're here, on a plane, heading to Court!" She seemed so excited.

"Two months?" Lissa asked incredulously. He had hidden it from her! Sveta nodded. "What was he doing visiting family?" she asked curiously. She had noticed he hadn't been around recently. She just figured he was busy giving himself alcohol poisoning.

She frowned. "Um, I think Momma said he was looking for a friend. He'd lent some money to her, and he just wanted to check up on her. Or something. Why do you ask?"

She swallowed. He was looking for Rose. "No reason," she said, through gritted teeth. The pilot announced they would be taking off.

Sveta gulped. "Would you mind holding my hand?" she asked softly. "I hate taking off." As soon as Lissa saw the girl's big, round green eyes her heart melted. Without a word, she took the girl's small hand and laced her fingers in it. "Thanks," she said, blushing a little. As soon as they were in the air and at cruising altitude, Sveta slipped her hand out of Lissa's. The pilot switched off the seatbelt sign and Lissa excused herself. She left her seat and marched over to Adrian.

"Two months, Adrian?" she hissed at him, waking him up from his drunken slumber. It was hardly one in the afternoon and he was already beyond drunk. "Why in the hell did you keep this from me?"

He rolled his eyes and sat up. "I didn't want to give you more to think about. You were so upset about Rose leaving and I—"

"Oh, right, because I was the only one moping because she was gone." She glared at him. "I know you went looking for her." At this, Christian perked up and looked over at the two.

"Yeah, is that a crime? I was worried about her!"

"Why didn't you tell me?" she pressed.

Adrian sighed. "About what?"

"BOTH!"

He cringed. "No yelling. We use our inside voices, Princess."

"Shut the hell up and tell me."

He was taken aback. "I kept it from you because I wanted to make sure she actually was a Spirit user. She's still young, you know. She could specialize still. And I didn't tell you about Rose because... I didn't want to get your hopes up."

She glared at him and went back to her seat, fuming mad. Sveta looked up at her with her wide, green eyes again. She lightly placed her hand on Lissa's arm and she suddenly felt a rush of tranquility fill her. She looked over at Sveta, who only smiled sadly at her. When all the anger at Adrian was gone from her, Lissa smiled at Sveta.

But, instead of that sad smile again, Sveta clutched the armrests angrily. "He's such a butthead," she growled. "Why didn't you punch his face in?" She kicked the empty seat in front of her.

Instead of acknowledging her question, Lissa engaged the girl in a conversation about her eminent marriage to Christian. "How would you like to help me plan it?" she asked nicely.

Sveta's lips turned up in a kind of half-smile. "I'd like that." And the two launched into a whole discussion about colors, flowers, dresses, and dates. It soon became clear to Lissa that Sveta worked in extremes. She was always at the highest high or the lowest low. She was never really happily in the middle. To be honest, she was worried about the girl. Halfway through the flight, Lissa turned the conversation to Sveta. She wanted to learn more about her.

"Oh, well... There's nothing really special about me," Sveta said, shrugging. "I mean, at school the kids would make fun of me." She looked down sadly. "I'm really small and they all called me a kid." Lissa felt bad for the girl, especially since she had been one of the bullies in a similar situation with Mia. "I didn't have many friends. I mean," she sighed, "who wants to be friends with the school loser? I had friends, I guess. But only when it was convenient for them. The kids also made fun of me for being a vegetarian. Well, as vegetarian as a vampire could be. They would stand up during lunch and ask if I wanted some of their hamburger or steak or bacon or... whatever. Like, really loud. And everyone would laugh and..." Her aura darkened to the pitch black state it had been in when I first met her. "I would eat lunch in my dorm sometimes." Despite being an overall sad girl, Lissa couldn't help but notice how open Sveta was. "My family kind of saw me as the disappointment. My brother was always better than me. Smarter. He specialized when he was thirteen. And... Well, I didn't."

She shook her head. "When Adrian came, it was like a dream come true. I felt special for the first time in my life. Wanted. He's been nothing but nice to me." She sighed and looked back at him. He, again, was passed out drunk. "I just wish he would let me make him feel better. I hate seeing him so sad."

"Sad?" Lissa scoffed. "Adrian isn't sad."

Sveta shook her head. "He's the saddest person I've ever met. You included. He won't talk about it though. And I tried to cheer him up once and he yelled at me." She looked back at him again, frowning. "I think a girl broke his heart." She shook her head sadly and looked up at Lissa with those sad eyes again. "I hate seeing people sad, for obvious reasons." She peered out her window. "I mean, I would rather be the saddest person in the world than have the entire world sad." She frowned. "The kids at school used to call me a wannabe-martyr." Her aura, if possible, grew darker still.

"Nobody's going to make fun of you anymore," Lissa promised. "And if anyone gives you grief, let me know, okay?" She suddenly felt protective of the poor girl. She needed somebody in her life to set a positive example, to make her feel better. And, well, she couldn't help but see the parallels between them. She healed people physically, and Sveta healed them emotionally. And they both felt the side-effects of doing these kind acts. She could even see the martyr spirit she felt a lot of the time in Sveta.

"My real name is Svetlana," she suddenly told Lissa. "I hate it."

Another parallel. Lissa smiled. "Mine's Vasilisa. I hate it too."

**Thanks for reading! Leave a review and make a sad puppy smile! XD**


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